Why Sameness Might Just be the Key to a Lasting Relationship

Why Sameness Might Just be the Key to a Lasting Relationship
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The More Similar You Are, the More Likely You Are to Stay Together.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship that’s ended prematurely, it can be hard to understand why some people stay together for decades.

If anything, you might think that being with someone who is different from you who has different interests, different goals and different things to do on the weekend, would keep the fire alive and make your relationship more exciting and adventurous.

But as it turns out, when it comes to relationships, sameness may be one of the most important ingredients for longevity . . .

Be on the same page

It’s no secret that opposites attract. But, according to new research by a team of psychologists at the University of Rochester and the University of Illinois-Chicago, it seems that sameness increases relationship longevity.

In their study, they evaluated heterosexual couples in committed relationships who had been together for an average of 17 years.

They found that couples were more likely to break up when they were less similar in personality traits like openness or extroversion.

Be honest

I don’t know what it is about being with someone that’s just like me. I can’t pinpoint anything specific that makes it work out so well. There are so many factors – our thoughts align on everything from religion to politics and we have similar interests.

We can go back and forth talking about something for hours without running out of things to say. But something just clicks when we’re together. When I’m with him, all I want is more time with him because he’s just like me.

Be open with each other

Relationships are hard. There’s no one person on this earth who can completely understand what you’re going through and know how you feel about everything in your life. There will always be some things that are unique to you and your relationship.

What’s important is that both people in a relationship try their best to be open with each other about these things. It’s okay for there to be some things left unsaid or unspoken, but it’s never okay for there to be secrets.

Identify key differences early

What is it about this person that sets them apart from everyone else? It might be their sense of humor or their level of ambition. It could be a certain phrase they use often or the way they dress.

People are drawn to those who are different in some ways and repelled by those who are too similar. When there is a strong connection between two people, sameness can actually increase longevity in a relationship because there is less likely to be any one thing that will set off an argument.

Adopt some personality traits of your partner

In order to make a marriage last one must adopt some personality traits of their partner. My husband and I are opposites in every way possible.

He is a night owl and I am a morning bird. He hates shopping and I can’t get enough of it. He hates seafood and I love it.

Give space when needed

A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people who are more similar to each other are more likely to stay together. This is because we tend to be attracted to people with similar interests and values as our own.

Even if those similarities don’t seem that important at first, they can lead us into having a closer connection with someone else. These connections are what often lead people down a path of being in a long-term relationship with each other.

Embrace conflict in a positive way

Every relationship has conflict. A lot of times you think this is a bad thing, but it’s not if you embrace it and use it in a positive way.

It can strengthen your relationship if you use it as an opportunity to communicate and resolve issues that may have been bothering you. For example, let’s say one person wants children while the other person does not want any.


– What are some ways to increase sameness in a relationship?

Maintain contact. Find strategies to stay in touch even when you are apart.
Be direct and honest.
Spend some time on yourself.

– What are some ways to decrease sameness in a relationship?

According to study’s, taking time apart can help your relationship become much healthier since it allows you both to rediscover your individual goals and ideals. After you’ve had some time alone, connecting authentically will be much simpler and much more thrilling.

Recommended reading: 21st September, 2022 which marks Kwame Nkrumah Memorial Day

Read also: How to Make a Relationship Last: 5 Secrets From Research

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